Capital Numbers

Note: Horrible spelling used to illustrate accent and awful use of drooling-vocal-emitting-face-orifice.

I just spent 30 minutes on...

A password reset. But this wasn't any ol' password  reset... It was her third time calling tech support, and she couldn't understand why it wasn't letting her in. She was determined to stay on the phone with me the whole time... Reset, made sure she was on the proper website (even had her type it in while slowly repeating each letter), but half the time, the website wouldn't respond.

Attempted to initiate remote support, as I wanted to see exactly what she was typing in. She gets to the site, clicks on my username.

Client: "WEEL IT DUDNT DO ANITING"
Tech: "Strange...", I thought... 

Client: "WEEL I PUTIN DA DUBA-YOU AN I CLIKD DU TING DAT DROP DOWN"

Apparently, someone made a typo when putting in the address on this shared computer, and she was clicking on the typo'd history dropdown.
So I made her type it in. By hand. All the way. This process took a good three minutes of my life.
She finally got to the site, but still, STILL was getting the "Wrong username/password" error. I asked permission and attempted to log her account in on my end.
Of course...
It went through.

Client: "OK DEN! HAWLD-ON! IMMA MOVE 2 U-NUDDER COM-PU-TERR"

She moves to another machine...
Same thing.
Over
and over
and over
and over.

By this time, the client in on her fourth computer.

"DO I USE DA ALPHABET ZERO ER DU NUMBER-THANG ZERO??!??"

Note to the reader, in this establishment, our usernames are a 6-digit number, prefaced by the number zero.

The number.
At the top.
Still uses the wrong one. Somehow.
Use only the number pad. On the right. Yes. Only those.

She gets in. Attempts to change the password.

"DUS THE NU WUN GO AD-DA TOP TWICE ER DU OLD WUN UP AT DU TOP TWICE??!?"

Here in our web site, you confirm your old password first, then type in your new password in the two boxes below, to prevent typos.


At this point, the client is completely and utterly confused, has no idea what she is doing, and for some reason, is attempting to eat the keyboard like a savage.
A little exaggerated, but you get the idea.
"The old one at the top, ma'am, and the new one in the bottom two boxes."

...
...
"I DUN KEEP MESSIN DIS TING UP WHERE R U? CAN I COME 2 U 2 HELP ME LAWG IN?"
"Yes, ma'am, we're in the basement of the ******** ******* Building."
"I DUN KNOW WEAR DAT IS I BY ***** ******"
"Go to the basement, follow the arrows that point to '********* *********'"
"OK I SEE U DER"

At this point, I'm pretty sure this is over. There isn't any way she could walk and find me, even with signs. Ever. She doesn't even know my name. She will most likely get lost and never come home, and no one will miss her.

She finds me. Specifically me.
And you know what. Just to spite me.
She uses the letter "o" in her username.